The turning point

 Title: The Turning Point: A Journey from Desperation to Hope in Recovery 

   

In the vast landscape of addiction, there often comes a point that serves as a crossroads, a moment of reckoning where the gravity of one's situation becomes undeniable. For me, this turning point was a series of entries and exits from treatment centers, a crazy journey through the torment of addiction that spanned years.

The Early Years

My first experience with the world of recovery was not by choice, nor was it voluntary. At the tender age of 11, I found myself in the midst of alcoholism after a buddy and I downed two bottles of alcohol in a mere 45 minutes. I threw up all over the house and passed out halfway in halfway out the door. When I came to, still in a blackout, I decided it was a good idea to walk to school. Needless to say, the school administrators weren't very impressed! I evidently didn't think it was a bad idea at the time, but they weren't too happy with me. My second treatment experience came the following year in 9th grade, when I was caught with some party favors at school. Little did I know that this event would be the prelude to a chaotic journey through various treatment centers and encounters with the dark underbelly of addiction.

The Cycle of Treatment:

As my disease progressed, each stint in a treatment center was eerily familiar. The first week was a descent into the abyss of withdrawal, a physically and mentally grueling experience that laid bare the harsh reality of my addiction. I would lay there, shaking and shivering, kicking, screaming and crying, unable to keep down water or solid food, praying for death. I know this might be quite graphic, but if you've been there, then you can relate. Emerging from this dark cocoon, I would tentatively reenter the world, feeling a bit human again, attend groups, and engage with my counselors and peers. It was during this period that a glimmer of hope would flicker into existence, that this time it would be different. This time, I would stay sober. Looking back over my life, one of the harsher realities that I faced was, not only in that moment did I regain a little hope for the future, but my family did as well.

The Illusion of Control:

The first step in the recovery process is " We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives were unmanageable. This admission was never a hard sell for me; it was painfully evident that, left to my own devices, I couldn't stay sober even though I desperately wanted to and that my life always turned into this raging dumpster fire. Despite my genuine desire to stay sober, the disconnect between intention and action became starkly apparent as life unfolded post-treatment. Leaving the safe confines of a treatment center, armed with newfound hope and determination, I'd soon find myself grappling with the challenges of maintaining sobriety in the real world. Life in abstinence, initially promising, often morphed into an uncomfortable existence, it was like I had a rock in my shoe. Have you ever had a rock in your shoe? At first you notice it and it's a little uncomfortable, but then it moves over to the side, and you can continue walking for a bit. But sooner or later that time comes when that rock jabs you just right, digs right into the bottom of your foot and you can't take it anymore, you have to take your shoe off.

A Glimmer of Hope:

In these moments of struggle, a lifeline emerged in the form of fellow recovering individuals who brought meetings into the treatment centers. Their shared experiences resonated deeply, offering a glimpse into a life not just free from substances, but also filled with genuine happiness. I used to say things like walk a day in my shoes, feel the things that I feel inside, and tell me that you can stay sober. I didn't know that not only did these men walk a day or two in my shoes, but they felt a lot of the same things I felt. How many of you have ever disappointed family or friends, kids and spouses because of your alcoholism? How many of you have ever been in legal trouble because of your alcoholism? How many of you ever tried to get sober before and failed? How many of you wondered if you were ever going to get sober? And how many of you have been to the place where alcoholics like me sometimes get, where you wonder if everyone, including yourself would be better off if you weren't around anymore? Not only were these men sober, but they also genuinely seemed happy and that was really attractive to me. They had something that I wanted and if it could work for them, then maybe, just maybe, it could work for me too. The prescription was simple yet profound – attend meetings, shake hands, build a support system, find a sponsor, and work the twelve steps with honesty and commitment, like your life depended on it... and for me it did.

The Transformation:

These suggestions were not just arbitrary rules; they were the keys to unlocking a life of recovery. The men who shared their stories became beacons of inspiration, proof that the seemingly insurmountable challenge of addiction could be overcome. Their joy and serenity were magnetic, and for the first time, the prospect of lasting recovery seemed not only possible but desirable. The journey from the depths of addiction to the hopeful shores of recovery is marked by a series of turning points, not a single moment of clarity. For me, it was the realization that true transformation required more than just a desire to be sober; it demanded a commitment to a new way of life. The twelve steps, once a daunting path, became the roadmap to a future I dared to envision – a life free from the shackles of addiction, guided by hope, and defined by genuine happiness.